1. “I know, right?”
This is one of the more redundant acknowledgements ever known to mankind. If you know, just nod your head and say yes. Furthermore, if you told me a story and I tell you that it’s funny, the fact that you say, “I know right?” is a bit of overkill, because I already told you. Why do you have to validate your own story? It’s just stupid. (Now you answer, “I know, right?”)
2. “Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,” (in rapid succession)
When people use this machine-gun, rapid-fire validation while you’re telling them a story it’s a bit like saying “hurry up, talk faster, I got shit to do,” which they may, but in most cases a head nod or a single yeah would suffice.
3. “Shout out”
Because everyone else is shouting, I guess I have to shout too. So, a big shout out to the shout outers.
It’s a social media platform, not a planet or a gas. Stop trying to make it more than it is or impress me with your jargon. There is no Facebooksphere or Linked Insphere. It’s just Twitter.
5. “It’s in the cloud”
I know the cloud is the answer to world hunger and probably the Ebola virus, but it has become the most overused phrase in computing. That is until some geek comes along with something called “the cave” or “the cellar” or “the shoebox”. If that happens, I’ll move to a remote atoll in the Pacific. Where’s Jim? He’s in the Pacific.
6. Ending any sentence with “…right?”
This habit is perhaps the most condescending phrase around at the moment. It says to the listener, “Now you’re really not as smart as me, so I’ll explain this to you and finish with a question because you’re stupid, right?” It says I’m arrogant enough to think that if I add this at the end of my sentence, you can’t object, right? I really dislike it, right?
7. “See what I did there?”
Oh my, you are a clever one. You set that all up so well. While you think that was all so smart and snarky, everyone else thinks it’s a scream for attention. See what I did there?
8. “Uber-“ (fill in the blank)
Anything that sounds this close to a vegetable cannot be Uber cool. Stop trying to sound so Uber-European and pass me the Uber-tubers.
I’m not even sure what this means. It’s almost as annoying as the trendy “repurposed,” except that I understand what repurposed means. Is there a downcycle? No. Then there should be no upcycle. I’d like to repurpose the word upcycle.
10. “It is what it is.”
It certainly is. So is everything else that is. It’s like saying an apple is an apple. So, thank you for pointing it out, Captain Obvious. Next time, if you feel the need to fill the air with your words of wisdom, maybe make sure there is a hint of meaning, or substance. Otherwise, I’m okay with silence, too.
Jim’s first book, Dirty Shirt: A Boundary Waters Memoir, was released in June of 2014. His nonfiction has been published in MidWest Outdoors, Neutrons Protons and Forge Journal. His poetry has been published in Verse Wisconsin, Off the Coast, Torrid Literature Journal, and many others. Jim currently resides in Waukesha, WI.