Beauty Rules to Break


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Rules change, but conventional beauty is here to stay. Our team compiled a few of our favorite ways to go rogue and stay vogue.


Red Lips with Red Hair

Ginger ladies should embrace their ravishing rouge, not run from it!

Color tip: Redheads can pair their God-given hair hues with The Blood of Their Ex Lovers, who probably called them “fiery” a lot.


Leggings as Pants

This rule was created by boring people who hate butts. Don’t let Facebook’s legion of radio-meme sharers dictate your fashion in 2016!

Outfit Tip: For a real fashion statement, wear a short shirt with your leggings and tauntingly scream “Yeah, you like that fat pussy?!” at strangers.


Navy and Black

For whatever reason, the navy-and-black rule is as ingrained in women as our belief that our bodies are dirty sex bags. The former simply isn’t true!

Matching Tip: Wear a navy Dickies jumpsuit and black steel-toed boots and see how many men still catcall you.


Frizzy Hair

This article is clearly written for white women, so we won’t even acknowledge the others. Let your frizz flag fly in the New Year! It’s hip and ethnic.

Texture Tip: Go to a black beauty supply shop and ask one of the employees to help you find a good moisturizer. Then talk about how it was “weird but actually really fun!”


False Humility

When someone compliments a garment this year, practice saying “Thank you” instead of “This? It was $4 and I got it from the poo store. It is terrible, and so am I.”

Tip: When someone compliments you, just say “Yeah, that’s correct.”


Stranger: “You have great hair.”

You: “Yeah, that’s correct.”


Boots with Summer Dresses

Frye Boots are too expensive to only wear a few months out of the year, and they look as adorable with a floral dress as they do with jeans.

How to Use Your New Look: If someone gives you unsolicited advice about your outfit, use your updated look to kick them in the groin.


Medical Tags:

There is a long held belief that fashion should come before people’s basic health needs. This year, wear your Diabetes bracelet with pride!

If someone asks “Is that real?” pretend you are having a seizure and scream “I need my epi pen!” This is also a great way to burn calories.

















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