Things I do differently after rewatching ‘The Wire’ on DVD

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  • Address my kids with “‘Sup?” and then spit on the floor through my teeth at school pick-up, class plays, when they come into the room to wake me up in the morning
  • Respond to their reports about how school was today with either “Most Def” or “Tru Dat”
  • Do that stupid smirking thing all the characters do, and very frustratingly walk out of the room when anybody expects me to answer a question
  • Casual day drinking
  • All cash transactions done surreptitiously with complex handshakes, including giving the boys their allowance
  • Yell “Five-O” whenever I see a police vehicle, officer on foot or hall monitor at kids’ school
  • Have really low expectations for the strip-clubs I visit
  • Hide candy in an old tire, signal my wife with a hand gesture to give the kids two each when they’ve been good or eaten all their healthy food
  • Get up on the roof and take pictures of them while they play on their Walkie-Talkies
  • Hang up on anybody who calls me after 15 seconds, mark the conversation as “non-pertinent”
  • Enroll in that economics class at community college, intrigued to find out more about elastic and inelastic products

 

Simon Pinkerton is a writer living in London and formerly of Minneapolis. He writes short stories and humor and is a contributor at McSweeney’s, Queen Mob’s Tea House and Razed among others. HE LOVES YOU and is a bit weird about it. Please seewww.simonpinkerton.tumblr.com for his humor and writing blog and find him on Twitter.

 

 

 

 

 

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