- “I could get your stomach out of your back, I could make you shit better.” (Lil Wayne – Ain’t Got Time)
There is no evidence to support relocating the stomach to improve defecation. Wayne demonstrates a flagrant lack of concern for the fact that, without also moving the colon, rectum, etc., he risks compromising the entire digestive tract. His promise would be both ineffective and medically unsound.
- “We all ready to shit, don’t need an asshole.” (Lil Wayne – Anything)
In order for feces to exit the body safely, an anus is necessary. The feeling of readiness Wayne describes only proves the need for such an outlet, which allows for the elimination of waste from the body and prevents harmful infection. Despite Wayne’s tacit encouragement, it is inadvisable to remove the anal opening.
- “Yes I talk shit. Got to defecate to conversate.” (Lil Wayne – Bill Gates)
Patently untrue, particularly if Wayne is asserting that one must speak and defecate simultaneously—though one must admit that this is physically possible. Regardless, Wayne’s assertion here is without medical basis. In the known medical data on bowers irregularities, there has yet to be a documented case of speech loss from constipation.
- “They tellin’ me I’m the shit, like a nigga don’t piss.” (Lil Wayne – Ain’t that a Bitch)
It bears mentioning that no amount of bowel movements can relieve the body of its need to urinate (Wayne’s allusion here notwithstanding). Indeed, an inability to expel urine could be a sign of severe dehydration or blockage of the urethra and would require immediate medical attention.
- “Shit don’t stank when you shittin’ in the bank.” (Nicki Minaj feat. Lil Wayne – Higher than a Kite)
While Wayne treats this as a boast, it’s important to act quickly if one’s stool is found to be odorless—whether at home or within a financial institution. Odor-causing bacteria and parasites are part of a healthy gut microbiome, making unscented excrement—unbeknownst to Wayne—a cause for serious concern.
Michael Fischer was released from state prison in 2015 and is currently earning an MFA in Creative Writing from Sierra Nevada College. He is managing editor of Sierra Nevada Review, a contributor to Sixty Inches from Center, and a Moth Chicago StorySlam winner. His work appears or is forthcoming in Hotel Amerika, Cleaver, Hippocampus, and elsewhere.