Young Actress Thwarted Again By New York City Closet Space


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Twenty-something-year-old actress Marlene Goldin was thwarted again this past Saturday when she moved into yet another sublet. Goldin found the sublet on Craigslist, a website popular for its slot-machine approach to finding an apartment.

“The pictures in the Craigslist ad made it look so much bigger!” Goldin said. “And the window wasn’t barred like this in the photos. I feel like I’m in a prison cell.”

When asked about her roommate situation, Goldin said, “Well, they’re guys. But that’s fine. I’m a guys-girl, at heart. And when they mentioned in the ad that they were people-watchers, I thought, oh my God, me too!” She paused for a moment. “But it’s starting to seem like they just want to watch me, and I’m not sure how I feel about that just yet.”

Goldin told us that the most “ratchet struggle” of moving in to her “newly renovated, super chic, bohemian New York City apartment,” was fitting her king-sized bed through the front door..

According to the twenty-something-year-old actress, her new roommates did most of heavy lifting—lugging the mattress, the frame, two mattress pads, a box spring, the headboard, six pillows, twelve throw pillows, and a gold silk canopy—but that she “truly felt for them.”

“Acting is about empathy and sensitivity. And I’ve been told by all my ex-boyfriends that I’m, like, super sensitive. So I get it. And I got it when I supervised them moving my stuff up five flights of stairs; I felt for them.”

Goldin’s mattress takes up an unexaggerated 80% of the room, but what bothers her more than that is her closet space—or lack thereof.

“There’s basically no closet. It’s just a cabinet-sized whatever with a metal pipe running through it. How am I supposed to fit all of my audition clothes in that? Thank God I’m a size-small.”

Her roommates, who asked to remain anonymous, noting further that they didn’t have Facebook or Twitter or Instalife or anything like that, said that Marlene had really brought something to the apartment that wasn’t there before.

“She brings a light in to the apartment that wasn’t there before,” one said.

“The lamp didn’t fit in her room, so it’s in the kitchen now,” said the other.

Marlene Goldin’s apartment is located in Bedstuy, Brooklyn, a neighborhood not yet so gentrified that it has street lights on every corner, but one that promises a true New York City experience.

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