Neutrons Protons is accepting submissions. Lucky you.

We publish satire, irreverence, humor, nonfiction, comics, and straightforward weirdness. By this we do not mean that we accept weird fiction, or weird poetry. We do not accept fiction or poetry. We do not accept pieces that play with form so much that we can’t be 100 percent sure what we’re looking at. Don’t worry! There are plenty of lit magazines out there that DO accept those things. That’s what most lit magazines are all about. We just want stuff that is smart and makes us laugh out loud. That’s all.

FOR ALL SUBMISSIONS: Please include a short (under 50 words) bio to print with your piece.




Q: Huh. Could you tell us some examples of things you would like to read and things you would not like to read?

A: Sure!

“Cats and Kittens and Their Dislike of Humans: A Brief History” – Yes.

“My Ex-Boyfriend Didn’t Really Love Me, And Here Is How I Know” – No.

“Ambiguous Piece With Birds As Metaphors” – No.

“Ambiguous Piece With Birds As Metaphors: A Satire of My Actual Poetry Class” – Yes.

“I Hate Crayons, Here’s Why” – Yes.

“Recipes With Insects And Why You Should Eat Them” – Yes.

“Dirt, Bones, Haunted Soul” – No.

“WoMyN i have LOVED” – No.

“A Personal History of My Family, Especially My Grandpa Al” – No.

“4 Poems — I SWEAR You Are Going To Like These Poems” – NO.


Q: How do you feel about simultaneous submissions?

A: We love them. Submit away.


Q: What’s the difference between satirical humor and fictional humor?

A: Satire is the use of humor, irony, exaggeration, or ridicule to expose and criticize people’s stupidity or vices. So satirical writing pretends that it’s true, but it is actively making fun of itself. Fictional humor is often an untrue story with funny parts. We stole that from the Internet, and so it is correct and true.


Q: Will you publish previously published work?

A: We’ll consider it. Just be upfront about it.


Q: What are the author’s rights?

A: Neutrons Protons will take first-time North American rights. After publication, all rights revert to the author and the work may be reprinted as long as appropriate acknowledgement to Neutrons Protons is made.


Q: What does this pay?

A: Right now, nothing. We hope to someday change that. For now, we all do this project out of the love of the game. But, if we see you on the street, we will hug you! Also, if we publish you in print, we will send you a contributor’s copy.


Q: Please present the “SUBMIT” link again.

A: Ok.

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